A question many individuals, including myself, have asked when we hear that someone is in an abusive relationship is: why doesn’t she/he just leave their abuser?
This can lead to withdrawal-like symptoms when you try to leave because of lack of dopamine, which makes it harder to leave someone despite knowing that staying in such a relationship is bad for you.
Love cloaks your judgement and you let the abuse continue because of the slight feeling of happiness you experience during the limited periods of no abuse. But if you’re able to unmask the deception and utilize the resources around you, you can live a more productive and rewarding life. Here are resources available to you in assisting you reach your goal of starting a new life and limiting the harm that may arise if you and your children stay.
Your family, friends, and coworkers.
Despite mistakes you make after entering a relationship such as neglecting your non-romantic relationships, your family, friends, and coworkers are there to help you when the time comes. You need to talk with them by telling them about your situation when it arises.
How does this look? Well, Tlthis can consist of developing code words or wearing certain form of clothing to demonstrate that the abuse is still going on. A code word can be anything. For example, you can tell your support group that when you bring up the topic of night clouds that change isn’t really occurring and things are getting worse. Or when you wear sunglasses, long sleeve shirts, or turtle necks in inconvenient weather that the abuse still exists. This will let your support grow know to reach out to the proper authorities – police officers, social workers, etc – or to assist in getting you your relationship as soon as possible without tipping off your partner.
Police officers. Call 9-1-1
If your relationship with the aforementioned group of people is strained because of actions by your abusive partner such as isolating you from them, you should pick up the phone, despite the difficulty, when given the chance and calling the police at 9-1-1.
Officers will often do their best to come in time prior to serious consequences such as a premature death from abuse. Police officers are there to assist but it takes courage on your part to speak up when they show up.
Domestic violence hotlines.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a 24-hour, confidential, toll-free Hotline ( 1-800-799-7233) created through the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) in the United States. Hotline staff immediately connect the caller to a service provider in his or her area.
When using this service, it’s best that you take precautions such as using secured lines, prepaid phones, or incognito browsers as to not let your partner know what you’re planning on doing. Your safety is the number one concern.
Upon calling the hotline, you can discuss with the specialist on a variety of abusive related topics to assist in your transition. These specialist are there for you.
Domestic violence workshops.
After you have taken the steps to leave an abusive relationship, you may find it difficult to avoid making the same mistake again. Sometimes you make the same mistakes a few more times before you realize it’s time for a permanent change. That’s where workshops come into play.
Workshops vary in occurrence and are filled with members who have lived through the same experiences and are working to spread the word about abuses and the steps they took to overcome such hostile/abusive relationships. Sometimes psychologists or case workers have set forth a plan to help you during the process.
There are many resources available around you to help ease the transition from an abusive relationship to a non-abusive relationship, where love, trust, and improvement of both partners can flourish. But, let’s be clear, the journey is not easy, but will be well worth it you just may not see it until you’re at the finish line.
A new fulfilling relationship can assist you in reaching your goals because your new life will be filled with people looking out for your wellbeing and will do as much as they can to see you reach your potential.
No one deserves abuse and it’s never too late to leave an abusive relationship.
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